DOUBLE TAKE


It is not a good idea to turn the head while in shoulderstand, because it could damage the neck.

I tell students this, and yet still they turn their heads to see what everyone else in class is doing.

So I tell them that if they're doing something dangerous I'll let them know, but there's no need to see if they're on the same page as everyone else.

Yet still they turn their heads.

Sometimes I have them sit on their arses and watch me while I quickly show them the whole shoulderstand sequence, so that they know what to expect.

But once they're in it they turn their heads and look around.

Sometimes I catch one or two of them turning their heads to look at themselves in the giant health club mirror.

When that happens, I say, "That is a very unflattering angle. Don't look at the mirror now. Wait until you've cleaned up after class -- then you can look at yourself all you want."

Still they crane their necks.

Sometimes I'll say, "Maybe you're mad at your neck and want to punish it. Fine. Do what you want. Just don't come running to me."

No reaction.

Sometimes, to hammer the point home, I'll say, "No matter who walks in the door, don't turn your head to look. Come down first -- and then you can even point and shout."

Still they turn their heads.

So lately I've been trying to make it more specific and timely.

"Even if Michael Richards walks in swearing, don't turn your head."

No reaction.

"Even if Danny DeVito walks in drunk, don't turn your head."

It's like they didn't even hear me.

Today I said, "Even if James Baker walks in carrying a big report, don't turn your head."

Crickets

After explaining who Baker was, I said, "Vince Vaughn. He's in the news today. Don't turn and look if Vince Vaughn walks in-- which could happen, since he's from Lake Forest."

It's fun to throw in the triva when you have it.

Still it didn't work.

The lone exception came right after the Bears' big loss a couple of weeks ago:

"Even if Rex Grossman comes in to make a public apology, don't turn your head."

That one got the laughs.

Which could actually hurt the neck, when you think about it.