Friday, October 09, 2009


"How stressed were you?" you ask.


It seemed like arrows were coming from every direction.

It was exacerbated by the lead-up to the father's death-day.

But most of the stress came from without, and it made the mind very busy.

On Tuesday night I awakened at 2:30 with racing thoughts, and never went back to sleep.

I took some Melatonin on Wednesday night so I could get some sleep. I retired at 9:30.

I awakened at 12:30, and never went back to sleep.

I was so tired while getting ready to teach at 6am that I did a classic maneuver.

Just before leaving, I carelessly popped a Shatavari capsule into my mouth, in the hopes that it would regulate the hormones.

A few second later, I realized it was not Shatavari, but Melatonin.


I immediately stuck the fingers down the throat and tried to womit it up.

You have to stick the fingers down quite deep, and leave them there for awhile, before something happens. How the bulimics do it is beyond me.

Finally, I gagged - and some watery, citrus-y stuff came up.

I think it was the large cup of lemon water I'd had earlier, rather than the orange-flavored Melatonin tablet.

I stuck the fingers down there four more times, in the hopes of getting everything out.

All day long I had a sore throat, from the womiting, and worried that I was catching a cold.

All day long the body was exhausted and the mind was numb.

I was so tired in fact that on Thursday night I finally got some sleep.

And on Friday I awakened at the usual 4:30am, feeling like a brand-new person.

*The song above is by the late M.S. Subbulakshmi - one of the greatest Carnatic singers of our time. It's difficult to listen her music and remain depressed/anxious. She combined technical perfection with unwavering devotion to the Supreme, which is apparent in the video. She was the first musician ever to be awarded the Bharat Ratna, India's highest civilian honor. Of course she was South Indian (from Madurai, Tamil Nadu).


  1. Oh wow. That sounds absolutely harrowing!

    It's been that kind of week all over....

    Hope you are well-rested and feeling good now.

  2. Anonymous8:31 AM

    Sending good vibes for better sleep and less stressful days and nights!

  3. Take care of yourself.

    No pills!!!!

    I will send you some good vibes, too, you know the Indian vibes.....

    And sleep well next night.

  4. Dearest Cara,
    I read your post again.
    Please take care of yourself.

    xx U