WEEKEND WEDDING INDEX



Bridesmaids: 6 (four plus two junior ones)

Flower girls: 2

Types of vegetarian lasagna served for dinner: 2

Types of meat: 2

Sets of falsies worn (and admitted to) by party* and guests: 2

Bobby pins holding Satya's fabulous French twist in place: 20

Fifty-six year old men in wedding party who cover their gray: 2

Forty-one year old women in wedding party who do not: 1

Flirty handsome groomsmen who look far younger than their years, make a perfect Mai Tai and are bound to be nothing but trouble**: 1

Mai Tai's consumed: 2

Bachelorette parties abandoned: 1

Number of cats in ladies' dressing room: 9 (that we know of)

Total number of cats in house: 20

Wedding dresses peed on by cats: 1

Five-dollar dresses worn by Old Maid of Honor: 1

Chocolate wedding cakes topped by whip-wielding Catwoman and cringing bobble-head Ozzy Osbourne figurines****: 1

Major rainstorms: 3

Strolling minstrels: 2

Bands in basement: 1

Wedding licenses misplaced (and found): 1

Cars that wouldn't start after the festivities****: 1

Guys with ponytails: countless

Better parties in recent memory: 0*****






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*The "girls" made all the difference, believe you me

**Known hereafter (if there is a hereafter) as Dorian Gray, he enlisted his daughter to fix the bride's nails and his teenage grandson to shoot the wedding video.

***They looked uncannily like the happy couple

****Jiggling the battery connections temporarily fixed it well enough to drive home in a treacherous downpour

*****In many ways it even topped 40 in '04