Tuesday, May 22, 2007
FLUNKED THE EFFING AHIMSA TEST. AGAIN.
I have not seen cockroaches here in years. But last night I came home to find a giant, India-size cockroach lounging in the litterbox. Like its Indian bretheren, the light did not seem to bother it.
My first instinct was to smash the thing to death, and toss what was left into the toilet.
But I've been trying to practice ahimsa (non-harming), and knew it would be wrong to kill it.
So after some chase I managed to catch it in the litterbox scooper, and tossed it out the door and onto the back porch.
It landed on the bannister. But it didn't run away. Then I noticed that it was injured, and could barely walk. I poked it to make sure. I must have smashed one of its legs when I caught it.
What to do? Put it out of its misery? Let it suffer until Jenny Whatever came home and screamed before dispatching it with a fashionable shoe?
I didn't know.
I was stuck.
It was suffering.
Instead of making a decision, I tossed it onto the roof next door -- probably causing more pain. ARGH.
BAD, BAD, BAAAAAAAAAAD.
All I could think about later was Dharma's words, "The cockroach also has a family, and wants to be left alone to live his life, too."
Today I searched for it, but it was not there.
How do you catch a cockroach without maiming it?
How long does it take for a cockroach to die?
And how much karmic debt must I repay for this?
Because it most definitely was a test; I've never, ever seen cockroaches that big here -- let alone in my apartment.
Unless... do you think I could have brought it back from India?