BIG SHOULDERS VS BIG APPLE, ROUND I
FIVE THINGS CHICAGOANS TAKE FOR GRANTED --
THAT NEW YORKERS CAN ONLY DREAM OF
-Garages. Where people park their cars. So they don't have to drag their thin arses out of their cubicle-size apartments and move them every other morning.
-Alleys. Where people put their moving vans and garbage cans. So they don't get in the way and ooze toxic gunk all over the sidewalk.
-Liberal street parking rules. So people can park their cars for weeks on end before they must drag their corpulent arses out of their massive apartments and move them.
-Not one, not two, but THREE line-free Trader Joe's -- with free parking. So we can stock up on as much cheap, healthy food as we can carry.
-Five Target stores within city limits. With fully-stocked shelves. And ample free parking.
FOUR THINGS NYERS HAVE THAT WE LACK:
-Unparalled career opportunities.
-Mayoral term limits.
-A municipal income tax.
-Yoga mat rental fees.