Inside Owl recently posted an amazing description of anger. In it, she's able to distance herself from what is happening to her and observe it - in effect, separating her real Self from her thoughts and emotions. According to her, anger is an addiction. As someone who, pre-yoga, regularly put her fist through walls, windshields and whatnot, I found her post quite inspiring. Perhaps you will, too. Here's an excerpt:
"At first, it was this rush of sensation in the chest and belly. Strong. If you really want to know, there would be a not unorgasmic spike from the belly a straight up to the brain stem. It vibrated strongly, lighting up the pleasure center… like a freaky nadi massage. Lasting maybe 3 or 5 seconds—a long time in terms of brain activity.
"After that first flash of climax, the anger would settle back in the chest. In a few seconds, the chest would go back to normal as the intensity wore off. And that is when the images would start. I was not even conscious until this month of the fairly autonomous image stream that I am constantly generating in and around my head, so now when I remember to look clearly at what’s happening there, it still tends to trip me out.
"In the case of this anger, first what would arrive were images of physical violence inflicted to my chest. My mind would see that punches or knife stabs were landing down on my body, in my heart. It would see this in order to try to keep the anger alive, because it felt so good in the body. But after another few seconds, the climax would really be passing away, and that is when another kind of image would start. Not just random, video game violence, but meaningful violence.
"My guess is that my organism was realizing that just straight violence imagery wasn’t sufficient to sustain the high, so it went in to the psyche to mine for past trauma. Or maybe it was innocent, the nervous system saying “Wait, we know this song! Here’s an old version that used to be popular back in 1983!”* And then, roll tape, I’m back in the schoolyard in first grade, and Renae the tomboy with two big brothers is wailing on me while several little farm boys in overalls look on."
You can read it in its original form here.
*The Public Image song posted above is actually from 1986, and wasn't all that popular - although it does have that annoyingly catchy chorus. I far prefer Mr. Lydon's earlier work. Now there's a vehicle for anger....