Monday, September 08, 2008


It has been a rollercoaster of emotions these past couple of days: up and down, up and down but mostly just down.

For example, yesterday I was on my way here (to the browsing center filled with boy students playing a very popular video game) when I saw that there was going to be a procession for the Ganesh Utsava (festival). The air was cool and pleasant, the sun was setting: I decided to check it out. I turned the scooter around and went down the street, towards the road where they'd be parading.

Men and boys with paint on their faces were dancing up a storm and people were waving yellow "Om" flags. It should have been fun. But for some reason it felt ominous to me.

A couple of the boys separated from the group and approached me. Their faces were painted and they were sweating.

"Where are you from?" one of them barked.

"From far away," I replied.

"What? Far away? What??" he asked, not too kindly.

It didn't sit well with me.

"I'm from far, far away," I repeated.

"And," I continued, "I think I'll go back there right now."

And I turned the scooter around and fled.

* * *

One of the reasons the mood is foul is that it seems as if I am saying goodbye to the guru. There's a sense that I won't see him again, and it's a bit heartbreaking. There's also the sense that the shala no longer feels like home.

Things are in flux, and transitions are rarely easy.....